Are you even reading this? I can’t believe you’re reading this. I thought for sure you guys were classier than this. Well, I can’t stop you now and it’s about to get very “blue” in here.

I think farts are funny. I’m holding on like hell to the boyish parts of me and that’s one that was stuck to the bottom of my general naivety about girls. I was just talking to @troyvdenney and I asked him his thoughts on this. (more…)

My friends and I try to stay pretty hip to the trends, like the latest internet videos and television shows. We know who’s hot and why and when we talk to each other we speak only in internet memes. We’re trend-setters, that teach hipsters what to wear. Just kidding, nobody likes me. I’m a loser.

Still, a friend showed me something cool a few weeks ago called Qwiki. I signed up to be an alpha tester when available, and I got my email today. People, let me tell you, I couldn’t be much more dorked out about this. (more…)

Some of you already know that I have a long commute to work. On a good day, I drive an hour to work and an hour home every day. It’s all highway travel, and mostly without more than 5 other cars in sight. Traffic leaving town, and for the first 25 miles, can easily make this hour take 2 hours. If it snows, fuhgetaboutit. A couple of years back, it actually took me 9 hours to get home, due to ice on the highways. It’s super lame.

Since the tender age of 16, my driving record has been a mess of scratches and blemishes like a penny you find under a vending machine. I’ve had upwards of 15 speeding tickets, appeared in court for “disregarding a traffic signal” and taken the online Defensive Driving course 4 times now. (more…)

In the past week, I’ve discovered the joy that is Nutella. Oh man. Are you kidding me? This is the most amazing spread-in-a-bottle I’ve ever had. Peanut butter is great. In fact, it’s hard to beat peanut butter as a spread-in-a-bottle. Pimento spread is pretty good too, if you can hold back the gagging sensation when you look at it and pray nobody burps mid-spread or you’ll have to throw it away and have some celery instead. Celery, because it’s just a plain simple and clean food – unaffected by body noises. I’ve done studies. Not really. (more…)

I’ve always loved singing along with the radio and, if nobody was looking, doing my fair share of chair-dancing. If you get caught doing something like that, it’s best to play it off because everyone does it anyway, right? I’m pretty sure everyone I know sings along with their favorite songs, and to a lesser extent top 40 dance music with difficult-to-understand lyrics. I bet you know someone, who you wouldn’t expect, sings along with “Like a G6″ and glosses over most of the song.

I bet you do it too. (more…)

There are many theories on why we dream and what our dreams mean. Some suggest that they are random, while others theorize that dreams are based on reality. Sometimes you dream about what was on your mind before you fell asleep. God help me if any of those are true, because my dreams serve as bizarre metaphors at best.

The dream that I woke from this morning, at least as much as I can recall, went like this:

I was standing on our frontmost porch, holding a big summer sausage in my arms and climbing a ladder that was hanging from the balcony. I recall that Mrs was upstairs, and I was taking the sausage to her. It was dawn. (more…)

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