I Care Way Too Much

The qualification is confusing too. If I’m working with homeless/needy people I’m concerned to not act all proud of myself so they don’t think I’m some big douchebag. If I go to a high-end retailer I walk around with a “fuck you” expression because I don’t care if anyone likes me.

It’s bizarre. I was just talking to Kater about having a coffee pick-me-up. I think the problem is really that I’m afraid I’ll get stink breath, and have to talk to someone up close and they’ll go on thinking I have stinky breath all the time, and I’ll think about how they might mention to someone else that I had stinky breath and that it was terrible. (more…)

High School Stories (uno)

My nephew is a freshman in high school, and already having trouble with a rumor spread around the school like a brushfire.  He’s a tough kid, with a big mouth, and very active in sports.  He’ll survive, but he’s quickly learning that high school is its own experience with higher highs and lower lows than other grades in the public k-12 system.

In that vein, here are some anecdotal stories of my experience  to remind you what it was like: (more…)

Jeez Louise

I’ve been doing a lot of deep thinking lately. A lot of deep thinking and freaking out about stupid things. Some things are worth being concerned about, like a heavy wooden beam, creaking and cracking above when you’re trapped under a stainless steel statue of Toucan Sam during a housefire or paying back your student loans. Other things are stupid to be concerned about to the point you fret all day, because it doesn’t help you get through them.

I’ve learned something that was seemingly obvious. Thinking too much makes me tired. I guess that makes sense, right? Thinking must take energy, like a computer uses energy without any physical movement. Thinking in circles is probably a lot like running circles. You get tired and go nowhere. (more…)

Food Sadness

Let’s set the scene, shall we? You’ve gone out to dinner somewhere really nice, or at least really great-tasting. The food is calling out to you, but you stop yourself when you’ve had just enough to feel immobile for the rest of the ride. What if you have some of this delicious food left? Do you leave it there?

If you do, fancy pants bourgeoisie, you need to remember that there are starving kids in your very own backyard. Remember? For God’s sake, let them out or take home scraps. Jeez. (more…)

A Month-Old Challenge

About a month ago Elly Lou of BugginWord fame, challenged me to participate in some weird blogger game thing that the more regular bloggers must do. Oh those bloggers. With their blogs and whatnot. Playing their blog games. I’m probably just jealous.

My documentary of those events will not be the story here, so let’s get down to the questions. They are as follows: (more…)

Farts are Funny

Are you even reading this? I can’t believe you’re reading this. I thought for sure you guys were classier than this. Well, I can’t stop you now and it’s about to get very “blue” in here.

I think farts are funny. I’m holding on like hell to the boyish parts of me and that’s one that was stuck to the bottom of my general naivety about girls. I was just talking to @troyvdenney and I asked him his thoughts on this. (more…)

Time for a Qwiki?

My friends and I try to stay pretty hip to the trends, like the latest internet videos and television shows. We know who’s hot and why and when we talk to each other we speak only in internet memes. We’re trend-setters, that teach hipsters what to wear. Just kidding, nobody likes me. I’m a loser.

Still, a friend showed me something cool a few weeks ago called Qwiki. I signed up to be an alpha tester when available, and I got my email today. People, let me tell you, I couldn’t be much more dorked out about this. (more…)

Defensive Driving

Some of you already know that I have a long commute to work. On a good day, I drive an hour to work and an hour home every day. It’s all highway travel, and mostly without more than 5 other cars in sight. Traffic leaving town, and for the first 25 miles, can easily make this hour take 2 hours. If it snows, fuhgetaboutit. A couple of years back, it actually took me 9 hours to get home, due to ice on the highways. It’s super lame.

Since the tender age of 16, my driving record has been a mess of scratches and blemishes like a penny you find under a vending machine. I’ve had upwards of 15 speeding tickets, appeared in court for “disregarding a traffic signal” and taken the online Defensive Driving course 4 times now. (more…)

Nutella – My life, my love

In the past week, I’ve discovered the joy that is Nutella. Oh man. Are you kidding me? This is the most amazing spread-in-a-bottle I’ve ever had. Peanut butter is great. In fact, it’s hard to beat peanut butter as a spread-in-a-bottle. Pimento spread is pretty good too, if you can hold back the gagging sensation when you look at it and pray nobody burps mid-spread or you’ll have to throw it away and have some celery instead. Celery, because it’s just a plain simple and clean food – unaffected by body noises. I’ve done studies. Not really. (more…)

Teach me How to Dougie

I’ve always loved singing along with the radio and, if nobody was looking, doing my fair share of chair-dancing. If you get caught doing something like that, it’s best to play it off because everyone does it anyway, right? I’m pretty sure everyone I know sings along with their favorite songs, and to a lesser extent top 40 dance music with difficult-to-understand lyrics. I bet you know someone, who you wouldn’t expect, sings along with “Like a G6″ and glosses over most of the song.

I bet you do it too. (more…)