Eighth Verse… Cruddy As The First…

Well, my little pet pneumonia bug showed up again this week for another visit. Hadn’t mentioned it earlier, because I don’t know about you, but the topic has somehow lost it’s appeal for me. This will make my 8th round of it since October, but who’s counting? Which pretty much means there have been precious few days between the end of summer and now that I’ve been able to breathe in a manner that doesn’t resemble that an alien life-form from another planet.

Ken thinks my little germ friend has given up on the whole “just visiting” concept and has moved in for good. He says I may as well name the critter and be done with it. So I suggested Yersi. Ken stuck his head around the office door and gave me an odd look. I heard keys clicking on the computer followed by, “Oh, you’re just hilarious. I think not .” I dunno… I think it kinda suits…

Anyway, for the record, here’s how my week went:

Monday – Jacqui came down with a full fledged cold, fever and sore throat that transformed into an all night hack-athon. I began feeling the beginnings of a sore throat around 3 am Tuesday morning while holding the miserable little monkey as she repeatedly hacked into my air-space.

Tuesday – Jacqui woke up bright and early at 6 am after I had approximately two hours of sleep. She then pitched a fit that she didn’t get to go to her play group. By then I had a sore throat, earache in both ears, a ginormous headache and a mild fever. Jacqui and Kyle coughed non-stop all day, crying, whining and fighting about everything. Kyle threw up everything I attempted to feed him and Jacqui took 2 hours to eat breakfast and 3 1/2 hours to eat lunch. Bedtime was a nightmare that I refuse to recount. The day ended with a whole 4 hours of sleep for me.

Wednesday – I woke up with my teeth chattering feeling like I spent my short night cuddled up with an iceberg. Thermometer read 102.8. I took some ibuprofen while attempting to survive the breakfast ordeal. The ibuprofen brought things a little closer to the 102 number where they then camped-out for the rest of the day. I spent the remainder of the day on the couch in my pajamas with a quilt up to my chin while pleading for fleeting, merciful moments of silence from my children who no longer had fevers but were insanely cranky. I bundled them up and shoved them outside for 30 minutes to run off some steam (we had a mild sunny day in the high fifties) just before lunch so we could all stand to look at each other for the rest of the afternoon. Then Jacqui mutinied and turned lunch into an all-afternoon event while Kyle held a chat-fest in his crib instead of taking his afternoon nap. Fevers and coughs came back for everybody just in time for bedtime. Then they tag-teamed… an all-nighter for me. Zippo sleep-o.

Thursday – Breakfast nightmare, blah, blah, blah. Jacqui tantrum over missing playgroup again. Hack, hack… Cough, Cough… Sniffle, sneeze. Forced to fish two brand new rolls of toilet paper out of the toilet after Jacqui and Kyle each decided to throw one in apiece… just because. Exerted considerable effort into fighting off the urge to anchor two little hoodlems’ PJ-clad derrières to the bathroom floor tiles with the toilet plunger. Inevitable lunch nightmare, blah, blah, blah. Ibuprofen, 102, stuffy noggin, blah, blah, blah. Induced a coughing fit as I breathed a sigh of relief the moment when Ken finally got home from work. Ran and hid in the family room and reflected on the relative sanity of reality TV compared to the chaos upstairs as Ken marshaled the kiddos off to bed.

Friday – Cold moved into my lungs overnight. Woke up with an asthma peak flow meter reading of 180 (not good… mine is supposed to be at least 425) Started my prednisone, which took it up to 210 (Uh… still not good… my ‘red zone’ is anything under 280) Multiple hits on my albuterol inhaler pulled it up to 330. Put in earplugs while Jacqui howled over the cruel injustices of missing ballet class. I was informed that I was, ’stroy-ing’ her ‘car-eeeeeeeer!’ I then hung on for dear life through the breakfast and lunch routine for Ken to come home and watch the kids during my 4 pm doctor appointment. Unfortunately for everyone involved, prednisone and albuterol make me jumpy and cranky… especially when combined with sleep deprivation. Jacqui ‘helped’ keep my attitude in check by repeatedly reminding me that, “Mom, we don’t be cranky. Even wen we’s sick.” Right. Who’s brilliant idea was that rule??? Oh, yeah. Right… mine. Kyle even weighed in on the topic. I could hear him talking to himself over the baby monitor during his ‘nap’. In between his jabbering, I intermittently heard his impression (which was eerily accurate) of my scratchy, raspy voice demanding silence…”Kigh-ehhhht! Ebby-bubby kigh-ehhhhht!” Which made me feel like such a stellar parent. Especially when Jacqui’s response was to laugh and say, “Mommy! Kyle sounds jess like you! Idn’t dat funny?” *sigh*

So now I have a prescription for antibiotics, a prescription for a whoppin’ dose of prednisone, and thankfully, some cough syrup. Anyway, I may not be posting much until I re-surface on the other side of this, as prednisone and I don’t get along so well. I’m not particularly on friendly terms with my antibiotic either. But it’s about the only one left that I’m not allergic to, so we put up with each other. I’d be more inclined to buddy-up with them though, if they could just remind my pal Yersi where the door is.

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