Heartache happens when your body suffers from rigor mortis while feeling the effects of a post-mortem love story. It starts beating faster to warm the blood, except that it brings it to a boiling point and starts aching uncontrollably. The sudden pangs you feel when thinking of a past love has something to do with this.
Was that too surreal?
I’ve been playing with the idea of heartbreak these past few days – there is a poetry slam coming up Friday (which is the 13th), and then Valentine’s Day right after that. Being the loveable, sweet, single guy that I am…it should be a great weekend. Writing about heartbreak isn’t something I particularly do well.
I had an entry written yesterday – when I was angry. I was so incredibly upset over something, and when I went to send an S.O.S. out to someone…I realized I had lost the right. And then I continued looking and I realized that there was no one that I really wanted to talk to about my trouble.
So I threw the bloody phone at the couch at hard I could. It bounced and nothing special happened. It was a satisfying, yet sobering experience. My hands were shaking. I needed to talk to someone, I needed to scream, I needed to vent. So I did something I rarely every do when I’m that upset.
I wrote for a solid hour, just listing out everything that has been building up inside of me for the last month or so. You have to understand…I don’t usually ever write something that won’t get posted. Most of all my archives on my computer have made an appearance online or in an email to someone.
I don’t waste my words.
But yesterday…I just couldn’t take it anymore. I wrote for pages, and it was an almost satisfying release. It tempered my anger and relieved some of my stress. I was still upset, still am a bit today…but it’s manageable – in fact, I’m ignoring it right now. It’s nice.
I know that it’s unhealthy to keep things bottled up inside, but I’ve been doing it for a long time. And they all eventually come out anyways. It’s only a matter of time – and the right person. I know it stupid, but I have to wonder – especially in the days leading up to the fourteenth…